What is Attachment Theory?

Attachment theory has become a buzz word in popular culture recently and it’s creating a lot of conversation surrounding relationships. We all probably know it has something to do with forming connections with people and we know we are different in how we tend to connect with others. But what is attachment theory? Attachment theory is a psychological framework that explores the dynamics of long-term relationships, particularly between children and their primary caregivers. Developed by British psychologist John Bowlby in the mid-20th century and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth, attachment theory provides insights into how early experiences with caregivers shape an individual’s emotional and social development. It has been shown to also help individuals form lasting romantic relationships as well as understanding of themselves and their significant other. 

There are three core concepts in attachment theory. The first is attachment behaviors. These are actions where an infant seeks closeness with their caregiver such as crying, reaching out, and clinging. These behaviors are instinctive and help keep the infant close to the caregiver for safety and comfort. Second is internal working models. This is a mental representation of the self, others, and the reality based on early attachment experiences. They influence how individuals perceive relationships and interact with others throughout their lives. Third is the most common concept we see in regards to attachments, and that is attachment styles. Attachment styles are patterns of attachment behavior that come from the relationship between infant and caregiver. We hear about these the most as they form how we connect with others and how we approach relationships in adulthood. 

There are two types of attachment, secure and insecure. However, there are also styles within those two types that help to give us more understanding of how attachment presents itself. When people grow up with secure attachment they feel confident that their caregiver will be available to meet their needs and they are a secure base from which they can explore the world. They tend to have healthier relationships as they grow up, as well as higher self esteem and able to emotionally regulate. 

For insecure attachment, there are 3 subtypes. Anxious-ambivalent or resistant attachment is when children are uncertain about whether their caregiver will be available or responsive. They appear to be overly clingy and dependent and often feel anxious. They grow up having difficulty trusting others and experience intense highs and lows in their relationships. Avoidantly attached children learn to be self-sufficient and learn to minimize the importance of their caregiver as they are unreliable to support. These individuals struggle with intimacy and tend to avoid any kind of close connection. The last one is disorganized attachment, which is the most severe type. Children show a lack of any type of attachment because they grew up in a chaotic environment. Their behavior may appear erratic and confused. These individuals have a higher risk of mental health issues, struggle with emotional regulation and have consistent relationship problems. 

The role of the caregiver is vital to any developing child. Being responsive to the child’s needs is crucial when it come to developing secure attachment. When caregivers are consistent, loving, and responsive, their children develop of sense of security and trust, which empowers them to become independent, healthy individuals. When there is inconsistent response or even just no response at all to children, this leads to insecure attachment and does not provide a solid foundation for these individuals to thrive. 

I’ve already touched on a couple of implications of attachment, but we’ll expand on them a bit more. When people are securely attached growing up, there is a higher likelihood they will be able to regulate their emotions and have better coping skills to manage stress in their lives including their relationships. Forming relationships is a large part of being a part of society. Without relationships, people feel isolated, lonely, and have a host of physical and mental health issues. Early attachment experiences shape how we approach relationships in adulthood and those who experienced secure attachment growing up are more likely to have healthy relationships and the skills to form and maintain relationships. Last is mental health implications, which lead to mental health outcomes. Those with secure attachment have lower levels of anxiety and depression, while those who experienced insecure attachment have various mental health issues. 

Some of this may be encouraging to you or may give you more of a framework of your own experience. One thing to point out is just because you have a certain attachment style doesn’t mean you will always be that way. It’s possible to change attachment styles based on your relationships. You may have grown up in a healthy home, but maybe you experienced something traumatic later in life that has altered how you go about your daily life or how you do relationships. It doesn’t mean it can’t be changed or reverted back to secure. Therapy can help to bring not only awareness but can help to develop those healthy skills to find and maintain healthy relationships. And if you grew up with insecure attachment, it’s the same thing. You can become securely attached in your relationships. 

All this may be overwhelming for you, but remember attachment theory is a framework. It helps us understand how our relationships are impacted by early experiences with our caregivers. By providing secure attachment, we can promote healthy relationships, and overall health throughout life. These concepts can help us create more fulfilling and resilient relationships and can help us find peace in knowing more about ourselves and the way we interact with our world.